Friday, October 14, 2011

the new girl

Ahhh I love Friday mornings.
1. sleepin in a little bit
2. run or not to run (oh wait that has been every day... I need motivation for that part of my mornings)
3. off to Bridgeport coffee house. yummm long mornings in a coffee house, enjoying my vanilla latte, writing on this thing and simply watching time pass by as I write, catch up and people watch.....

Earlier this week... Wednesday I wrote a post but decided to delete it. That day I got a care package from a friend, and I must say it was very thought out. Each little item represented something only a best friend would know. A care package is supposed to make you happy and at ease.... this one made me cry. Cry a lot harder than I have since I have been here. So I escaped the walls of my apartment to wallow in a chi latte. In the deleted Wednesday post I complained and spoke of being homesick and questions of why I came here in the first place. All these doubts came drifting through my mind. And then I had a phone call from someone brilliant. As I sat there in near tears complaining, he simply said... well... what did you expect? Did you expect everything to be easy? Did you expect to have friends in 5 minutes after you were there? You need to take it easy.

No one had really told me to sit back and "take it easy." No one had put me in my place and made me think. As I sat there and really thought about who I was, who I was becoming, did I like who that person was? All these thoughts came into play and as I walked home, the moment I walked in the door I turned my computer on and deleted that Wednesday night post asap. That person Wednesday night was sitting there feeling sorry for herself.  I decided to get over her, she's gone. Though there are times that I come in contact with people, places or stories that make me feel... sad... or I may get homesick, I know that I have to just keep moving. And the longer I sit and think I am alone the more I turn into that girl who feels sorry for herself. (I don't like her) There are so many opportunities that I have been presented with. Instead of feeling awkward and a burden (how I have felt in the past) I have decided to just go with it, have fun, and be the "new girl." I have embraced her. (and I must admit I like her a lot.) I have a new strength and a new courage to myself. I feel much more comfortable in my shoes.

Enough of that whole emo shmeeemo junk.... moving on :)

Teaching someone to read ----- NOT easy.
The English language is absolutely ridiculous. Why does every stupid letter have if not 2 but 3 different sounds? and then stupid rules like the "y" sounds like "y" or "ie" (ready) or "ya" (yellow)???? Then when you explain all that, some other stupid word comes along that all I can say is "well you just have to memorize that word. That's just what it is, that's how you read it. So, memorize it..... dear lord ...... I am not an educator.... just trying... very hard!

Oh, have I mentioned that my patience kind of sucks. I have always thought I was a pretty patient person. (My Mom would say otherwise. I have to admit.... she was right.... hate it when that happens)

I wish I could sit and talk about Juvi and type everything out. But it is way to much and so hard to explain. There are stories and faith that I have learned from so many of those kids. Then there are times that some of those kids and straight liars. I must admit, they tell a pretty good story. There are so many times that I want to call them out, and tell them that they don't have to tell a lie to me. Some I do, but some I don't. If telling a "story" makes them feel better so be it. Another thing about Juvi, I have learned. So many times I get waved down by a unit, so many want to "pray," (aka this gives them a chance to hold my hand... dear lord) or some ask for a hug. I have learned that I have to laugh and walk away. The first time I fell for the "praying," request I got the reaction of... "your hand are so soft girl," or "you smell so good girl." So... needless to say slowly but surely I have indeed learned. A wave, smile and "God bless" is just fine sometiems. You know when a kid is serious or not. But... I have learned to just go with it, in a guarded way. I don't mind most of the time... if it bothered me that much... then I would fear going back... instead I almost look forward to returning... so.....

I think I need to take a yoga class or something... to practice some meditation... Somehow I need to stay a little mentally balanced. As the weather is nice right now.... what happens when Chicago freezes me? I can't go running in crazy snow? huh new mission...... Groupon please present a cheap alternative to running!

Well, I have people watched for far to long and my poor latte is almost yucky cold.... I better head to the center to gear up for a sweet "College prep/discussion/circle!" A new little thing a co-worker, intern and I are starting. Hopefully some of the boys show up... fingers crossed!

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