Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Shawshank Redemption?

Last night at Juvi I was almost brought to tears by a young mans hope and voice... that's right... his voice, I was serenaded with Micheal Jackson's, "Will you be there." (Some of you may know it as the Free Willy song....) For whatever reason that song brings chills to me anyways buuut, this boy just started singing it and I was about 2 seconds from tears (p.s. tears don't come easily to me.) Last night was different than other nights in Juvi. We usually start with the girls units then work our way up to the 4th floor or Omega units. But, we stopped by the medic unit where we ran across two very interesting and respectful young men. I got into a pretty awesome conversation with a drug addict 18 year old boy. He was brought in on parole violation and had just recently started using Heroin. He is a new Heroin user, so his addiction isn't as strong (but I mean it doesn't take much to be addicted to that stuff). It was so great talking to him though. He finally hit the wall, he found himself and wants more. He wants more out of his life and actually wants to live it. He has a list of goals and ideas. He wants so much... everything he was saying he was just so energetic and happy, with a smile on his face. He wants to live now...... Totally Legit night... So thankful to be present at that moment, and able to sit and listen to such a strong and willful testimony.....

Today I visited the women's prison in Dwight, Illinois with Sister Donna. Donna has been in contact with an inmate there for the past year or so. This women is asking/petitioning for clemency. (A new word in my vocabulary now haha) Before going there of course I was prepped with the story. Long story short, she was abused till her teens. As a young child she was used for drug trafficking by her father (her father sending his 5/6 year old to deliver drugs). As a teen she joined a gang and she killed two young men from another gang, 20 years ago. (As you may be reading this right now.... you probably think I'm crazy or, you may think I am by the end of this post.... I wouldn't blame ya) Before meeting her... I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that she had killed two young men and now she was petitioning for clemency (she was given life without parole, tried as an adult at the age of 15). By the end of a two hour visit, dang.... they would be stupid to keep her IN prison. She has grown up and become such and amazing, inspirational women. Her story could save so many youth before its to late. This women has accepted her crime and consequences. She has been in prison for the past 20 years. She has become a mentor for many women in prison and even youth, even though she resides behind locked doors. She has made something of herself, gained respect, learned life skills, has faith so strong. Who am I to say that she should stay in her cell the rest of her life? She sat, talked and accepted me as if I were an old friend, sharing with me whatever I wanted to know. I don't really know how to explain it....

This is where I struggle. In this ministry, prison ministry. I struggle with "what people deserve." I realize a crime is a crime and people need there time to sit and think about what they have done. Consequences should be paid. But.... in this women's case, tried as an adult at the age of 15, and given life without parole... I don't know about that. I don't know about a lot of things. I honestly struggle with prisons and juvenile detention centers. I wish there were something else, a different way, other than locking children up in brick rooms for hours on hours. I struggle with the conversations that I have where a child talks about how he/she wants to change but doesn't know how, or gives up. I struggle with what I CAN do.... who am I to give advice right? I've never been in there shoes right?

Sometimes... all they need is someone to listen, someone to cheer for them. Even if they leave juvi, then come back a month later. They still want that cheerleader, that positive conversation. They want someone to listen to them. And guess what.... I can do that. The power of presence is so ridiculously cool.

And as I re-read this post... I realize that none of this really makes any sense at all.... but... alas this is what is on my mind... my crazy girl, ridiculous, most of the time clueless, still figuring myself out... me. But I like her....

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