tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-43262964333606353312024-03-05T10:27:51.249-06:00Sunny side of the South sideBonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-14601996074713802022012-03-24T12:50:00.000-05:002012-03-24T12:50:11.620-05:00The time has come....Well, here I am. Its the Saturday before I move back home to good ol'Kearney, Mo, at the cutest coffee shop in Bridgeport... writing one of my last blogs (well, until my next adventure......) This week is my last week at Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation! I will be driving back home on Friday. Such a bitter sweet feeling. To say this experience has changed my life.... is an understatement. There are so many things that I have learned and that I have realized. Situations I never imagined being in and feelings felt that I never thought possible. <br />
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RECAP of the past 7 months (list form):<br />
<ul><li>Cubs game</li>
<li>Solider field (NIU game)</li>
<li>Circle training in Dayton, OH</li>
<li>Teaching a girl how to read -- (somewhat successful, somewhat not)</li>
<li>Tutoring a boy for his GED (ummm kind of a success, but he is back in jail now)</li>
<li>Tutoring a boy in his community college classes (success)</li>
<li>Meeting with a boy to "prepare," him for GED courses</li>
<li>Trip to Selina, OH and Dayton with some of the boys to see the art show titled, "Kin Killing Kin." Such a moving and wonderful experience-- Seeing men from the hood, turn into little boys on a farm.</li>
<li>Authentic delicious Mexican food-- best Taco's I have ever had and Tamales I have ever had in my life</li>
<li>Explain why I am here... "You haven't received anything from society yet, you are young. Why are you volunteering? Most volunteer's do it to give back, but if you haven't received, how do you give if you haven't received yet?"--anonymous boy</li>
<li>corrupt education</li>
<li>segregation</li>
<li>discrimination</li>
<li>corrupt police</li>
<li>Halloween regulation</li>
<li>Swap O'Rama-- craziest flea markets I have ever been to</li>
<li>Death-- RIP David</li>
<li>Gang violence-- (Everyday) </li>
<li>Shootings.... especially with the weather getting warmer</li>
<li>learning gang lines so I can drive boys down the "safe," streets. </li>
<li>Christmas</li>
<li>Starvation</li>
<li>Trader Joe's donations once a week</li>
<li>Desperation</li>
<li>fluffy scrambled eggs-- I have been dubbed the best scrambled eggs maker</li>
<li>Teaching the boys how to play ping-pong theeeen getting killed playing them after</li>
<li>Getting money taken out of my purse</li>
<li>Having one of the best Birthdays I have had in a LONG time</li>
<li>Going to the Cook County Juvenile Delinquent center-- once a week</li>
<li>Learning how to play spades like a pro... from kids in Juvi</li>
<li>Drugs</li>
<li>Getting lost in Chicago... at least once a week</li>
<li>Learning the public transportation system (man I will miss it SOO much!)</li>
<li>Love</li>
<li>Going to a women's prison to meet and visit with a woman who was given life without parole as a Juvenile.</li>
<li>Following (the above's) case, meeting with her legal team as the work towards clemency. (Her hearing is at the beginning of April!!!) </li>
<li>Understanding (the above's) story</li>
<li>Shattered hope's and dreams</li>
<li>Making hope's and dreams</li>
<li>A trip to get someone a new license where I was the minority (by far)</li>
<li>becoming a mother for the afternoon, taking two boys to get there Senior picture outfits</li>
<li>Being declared a "God-Sister," and a stylist/manager for an upcoming rap artist </li>
<li>Stories, stories and more stories. </li>
</ul>There are so many stories in this neighborhood. So many circumstances and lessons. I feel like I could sit and talk about Chicago for hours. To wrap it up into a quick sentence or two, or to even try to explain my time here is hard. You can tell, but you can not cause a feeling. Or at least the feelings I have about being here. So, I will just stick with... It has been an amazing time and experience :)<br />
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So, whats next eh? That is a great question... Who wants to buy me a house in Kansas City so that I can open it as a home/temporary living situation for boys who live in Chicago? With this house, PBMR can send me two or three boys at a time. They can get out of the Chicago neighborhood and actually make something of themselves (new rant). Even if you want to get out of the neighborhood here you have about a 5% success rate. If you are gang related, you cannot take the public transportation to a job. There is to much risk of being jumped and owning a car is obviously not possible (legally). Get a job close to home? Can't, if they have any kind of a record, good luck. Go to school? Nah, the community college's are basically an equivalent to my high school experience. And at this point in our country, an associates is basically the same as a high school diploma. What do these boys want? A place where they can get out, away from this world a world that makes it nearly impossible to make it. Or simply to walk down a street, any street without the threat of a drive by. If they can get out, go somewhere else and become successful in a safer environment, they could actually be successful. Then once it gets started it could grow. The one who live there first move out to their own home/apartment, become mentors for the new ones coming in and and and.... see, it could work. So.... like I said, who wants to buy a house in Kansas City with a couple of bedrooms? And a little bit of funding to get it started. I can find them jobs! I can make it work! It could work...... hey I can still dream right?<br />
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Reality: Currently the job search is ON. Case manager positions here and there. A couple of interviews set up. So, time shall tell. In the meantime, I will be moving back in with some fabulous roommates, my parents :)<br />
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But, I'm 23... only 23 and I have so much life to live and so many dreams to live out. I feel like I am just at the beginning.... So, stay tuned.Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-30612985800608417422012-03-15T09:55:00.000-05:002012-03-15T09:55:31.604-05:00Filled with JoyThere is nothing special about today. Nor was there anything special about the past week. Today I am simply feeling so blessed and beside myself. (even though after you read this post you will think I am crazy as to why I feel blessed and happy). <div><div><br />
</div><div>I have decided that I will be ending my time here at Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation at the end of March-- in two weeks. It was definitely a hard decision for me, however I have that feeling that it is time to move onto something new. Its that invisible wall that I believe I have hit, and some new doors opening elsewhere. But just a crack. I can't see where they lead and I don't know which one to choose. So, that in itself is an adventure that I feel so blessed and excited to take. </div><div><br />
</div><div>One of the hardest things that I have had to do is tell the boys that I will be leaving shortly. Some just look at me and say, alright cool. Others are bummed and ask why? That lingering question... why? When I explain the why to my friends, family and co-workers its easy. But explaining it to them is much harder. </div><div><br />
</div><div>To friends, family and co-workers-- I am leaving because I miss that physical sense of support. I miss my friends and family. I am unsure with what more I could do here. If I jump on a new project now, I would feel guilty leaving mid-way through (June/July/August). And currently here in Chicago, to be blunt, I don't have a lot of interaction with others my own age outside of work. (Though some of these things are petty I realize, they are also the things that keep me motivated and going. Without them I feel lonely and so unmotivated that I don't even recognize myself some days.)</div><div><br />
</div><div>If I try to say all those things to them-- the straight up answer, especially the friends and family part.... </div><div>Actually, I told one of them that I missed my friends and family. And how I felt like I didn't have a whole lot of that here... His reply--- "Yeah, but we are your friends and family!" (didn't see that one coming, my heart may have dropped a bit.) </div><div><br />
</div><div>It makes me feel guilty sometimes. I have an escape from this destructive neighborhood. Even living 10 minutes from where I work, on the weekends I escape to different parts of the city just to walk and explore. Yet, the kids that I work with, ones that have lived here their entire lives have never even been downtown. I have a phone that I can make phone calls... endless ones... to friends and family found all over the country. I have all this support. I am blessed with so many things. I feel a little guilty picking up and leaving.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I knew that this day would come. That the countdown would eventually take place. And I supposed I assumed I would have feelings such as the ones I am expressing. But living them is so much different than assuming. </div><div><br />
</div><div>Every change we make in our lives, every step we take has to have some kind of challenge right? (or is that just my luck, because I feel like I am challenged with everything I want to do... its never easy for me). If there were no challenge where would the adventure be right? (At least that's what I keep telling myself!) </div><div><br />
</div><div>So, as I live out these last 2 weeks here at Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation, I won't be counting down the days. Instead I will be counting the blessings that I have, looking for the things I have learned and listening to the stories that walk through that door. I can't change the world, but I can do good for those who ask right? </div></div>Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-63511467547025268382012-03-12T11:20:00.000-05:002012-03-12T11:20:12.744-05:00As of lately...I used to be so good at updating and writing on here once a week. Clearly I have lacked in that area. There just hasn't been a whole lot to write about. Maybe I am just used to everything going on around me? I have accepted what happens here on the South side as normal. Reality: its not normal from where I come from. Not even close.<br />
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Lately:<br />
This past weekend we had our 1st Annual, Precious Blood Fundraising luncheon! It was definitely a success. Over the past month or so there have been so many preparations for this thing. (It's nice that it is finally over!) From creating all the invitation things, finding donations, making center pieces and little things here and there, it is finally done!<br />
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At the event I started to feel very thankful and in awe of so many things. We had the event in Rensselear, IN. A half way point between Chicago and Dayton. (where some major connections and contacts are found). Most of the people who attended have never really been to our center. Many knew a run down of what the, "cause," was. I knew maybe 10 people in the room, at best. Yet, I was surrounded by so much support for the center that I worked at. As speakers talked about the center I started to feel a sense of pride and excitement. As Fr. Kelly spoke about the center in such a manner of care and tenderness, then one of the boys got up and spoke of what the center has done for him. I couldn't help but feel proud and thankful for these past 7 months here at Precious Blood. As one of the boys stood there and spoke, then invited two others up to answer questions from the audience I was so impressed by how honest and open they were to these people, strangers to them. And then I began to realize all the things that I have learned from these boys, what set me apart from the audience. I have gotten the chance to be friends with these boys, to learn their worries, happiness, their lives. Though now I am used to what they have to say, the people in the audience were shocked. As one lady put it, "it is such a tragedy what these boys go through, this is such a great cause to support." They were so happy to be at the event and help in some way, even if it is just with money. Support and money can go a long way and to know that we are making connections and relationships with others will only make the center a stronger center. So, over all it was absolutely a successful event to say the least.<br />
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But back to the realizations. Just reflecting on this whole luncheon and looking at myself, seeing that I have become used to the lives down on the south side is both great, but kind of sad. The people at the luncheon were moved and impressed by the different things that the center does and provides. I agree it does great things. When I first got to Chicago I thought and still think the same things, but I never sit and really think about it anymore. I hear of shootings going on, I hear of struggles that some of the boys talk about. I know there is gang banging going on near by, I know that there is a women's shelter down the street that works with once abused women, I know that there is a Catholic worker house down the street that opens its doors 4 mornings a week for breakfast for the poor. I know all these things. I see some. And I do whatever I can do. But what I do, is just what I do, its just another day. I am used to these things and have granted them normal. THEY ARE NOT NORMAL. Kids killing kids, abuse and beatings, starvation ect ect ect. They aren't normal. Just like at the luncheon when people were moved by some of the experiences shared by the youth. People know that these things exist. I am not naive enough to believe that they don't (obviously). But the fact that these things go on everyday, everywhere and society lets it happen. I'm not saying that the world should be happy and that everyone should be nice to each other (because that will probably never happen unfortunately). There will always be cruel things that happen. But what if people that were "better off," stopped turning their heads away from the cruel things happening in our country? What if only 10% of them did? What would that look like? I'm not preachin or anything... I'm just saying. What if....?Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-6195377553598018892012-02-10T13:58:00.000-06:002012-02-10T13:58:38.173-06:00Motherly duties? Nahhh God-sister duties....So, its been awhile. I can honestly say I have been avoiding my blog for a while. there hasn't been a whole lot going on. Yet, there has been, but I have had a negative attitude and chose not to write about such things. <br />
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Its been pretty quiet at the center. Not a whole lot going on, yet there is. Programs starting up; theater, air-brushing and screen printing sessions. In collaboration with the Peace coalition (a group in Back of the Yards that works with all the non-profits in the area) these programs are "brought in" and we provide kids for the programs. Some pay the kids to attend, and some may lead to jobs for them. Overall it provides a skill for the kid. A skill they can use, or a skill to help them apply for a job or simply a commitment that they can achieve. The afternoons/after school hours are a little hectic with people running all over the place using our center as their classroom. It can be fun, and it can be... honestly a little annoying as well. <br />
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I sit back some days and still think... what am I doing... what should I be doing right now? Earlier this week, like clock work one of the boys came in (3:00, as usual), to come back give me a hug and sit down to talk about his day. Every day he does this. And everyday I sit there and wait for him. This boy is probably one of my favorites (good thing none of the boys know that this blog exists because they would be so nosey to know who my favorites were haha). But this boy in particular has a life that I can't even sit and image how he keeps going each day with this smile and spirit that makes everyone around him happy. I don't think I have seen him in a bad mood... ever. He came in earlier this week and needed someone to take him shopping, for his senior year picture. (The area where the stores are at, he cannot walk to by himself because it crosses into the Hispanic gang lines. Though he is not affiliated with a gang, it doesn't matter, he's black and they would shoot or mess with anyone and just assume.) So, I took him. No one will mess with me, a white girl haha. So off we went... to the local Forman Mills in search for some swag (new clothes). As we went off in search for a new outfit, together we put together two good lookin outfits, I was dubbed a "God-sister" (you know... we aren't blood brother/sister, but we are brother and sister by God). And I have been given approval of having good taste and good style. Bravo! As the boy checked out and payed, I stood off to the side and waited, making a quick phone call. As we got into the car, he began to tell me that the lady checking him out thought that I was his music manager, helping him pick out new outfits for his tour we would be going on, he is an upcoming rap star. I looked all important on my phone, waiting and I was white. So... I am a God-sister, a great stylist and a music manager... can I add those to my resume?<br />
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That whole experience got me to think about my role at Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation. That day I felt like a mother, helping her kid pick out a senior picture outfit. Some of these boys come to me just to talk. I haven't tutored in a long time, but those boys still come by to tell me how they are doing in school. They don't really need a tutor because they are keeping up with there studies now. Times are slow, and I don't have a whole lot to do anymore. Is that because maybe I have made an impact on these kids? At the beginning when I first got there, did I put something in there head? Maybe a thought, or hope or drive to achieve their goals? I would like to think that just maybe some of this is true... heck maybe I am totally off and I'm just crazy? (ok, no I know I'm crazy.. but, maybe its different this time?) <br />
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There are a lot of things that I do or maybe stand for that I don't notice. Physically I am not doing a whole lot. But maybe my presence has made more of a difference than I think? (lets think positively and go with YES!!!) My next task is to figure out a possibility of how I can make that last longer, after I leave? I feel as if my time here in Chicago may be done. I am not sure what more to do... what more I can do without living here indefinitely and getting involved in projects that will last longer than just a month or two? Are there any jobs in Kansas City, home, that can amount to the work I am doing here? I mean, eventually, unfortunately I have to make money at some point and pay off those nagging school loans. I have to grow up and take on some responsibility right? So the next step... when do I take it, and which step do I take? (This is just a battle I have been having in my mind for the past... oh month or so....) possibilities are endless, yet not quite in reach. We'll see... that's what your 20's are for right? Being confused and trying to figure yourself out?<br />
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Well, I have some wandering to do... tis the weekend!Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-45875426863132393002012-01-11T17:54:00.000-06:002012-01-11T17:54:50.219-06:00Shawshank Redemption?Last night at Juvi I was almost brought to tears by a young mans hope and voice... that's right... his voice, I was serenaded with Micheal Jackson's, "Will you be there." (Some of you may know it as the Free Willy song....) For whatever reason that song brings chills to me anyways buuut, this boy just started singing it and I was about 2 seconds from tears (p.s. tears don't come easily to me.) Last night was different than other nights in Juvi. We usually start with the girls units then work our way up to the 4th floor or Omega units. But, we stopped by the medic unit where we ran across two very interesting and respectful young men. I got into a pretty awesome conversation with a drug addict 18 year old boy. He was brought in on parole violation and had just recently started using Heroin. He is a new Heroin user, so his addiction isn't as strong (but I mean it doesn't take much to be addicted to that stuff). It was so great talking to him though. He finally hit the wall, he found himself and wants more. He wants more out of his life and actually wants to live it. He has a list of goals and ideas. He wants so much... everything he was saying he was just so energetic and happy, with a smile on his face. He wants to live now...... Totally Legit night... So thankful to be present at that moment, and able to sit and listen to such a strong and willful testimony..... <br />
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Today I visited the women's prison in Dwight, Illinois with Sister Donna. Donna has been in contact with an inmate there for the past year or so. This women is asking/petitioning for clemency. (A new word in my vocabulary now haha) Before going there of course I was prepped with the story. Long story short, she was abused till her teens. As a young child she was used for drug trafficking by her father (her father sending his 5/6 year old to deliver drugs). As a teen she joined a gang and she killed two young men from another gang, 20 years ago. (As you may be reading this right now.... you probably think I'm crazy or, you may think I am by the end of this post.... I wouldn't blame ya) Before meeting her... I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that she had killed two young men and now she was petitioning for clemency (she was given life without parole, tried as an adult at the age of 15). By the end of a two hour visit, dang.... they would be stupid to keep her IN prison. She has grown up and become such and amazing, inspirational women. Her story could save so many youth before its to late. This women has accepted her crime and consequences. She has been in prison for the past 20 years. She has become a mentor for many women in prison and even youth, even though she resides behind locked doors. She has made something of herself, gained respect, learned life skills, has faith so strong. Who am I to say that she should stay in her cell the rest of her life? She sat, talked and accepted me as if I were an old friend, sharing with me whatever I wanted to know. I don't really know how to explain it.... <br />
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This is where I struggle. In this ministry, prison ministry. I struggle with "what people deserve." I realize a crime is a crime and people need there time to sit and think about what they have done. Consequences should be paid. But.... in this women's case, tried as an adult at the age of 15, and given life without parole... I don't know about that. I don't know about a lot of things. I honestly struggle with prisons and juvenile detention centers. I wish there were something else, a different way, other than locking children up in brick rooms for hours on hours. I struggle with the conversations that I have where a child talks about how he/she wants to change but doesn't know how, or gives up. I struggle with what I CAN do.... who am I to give advice right? I've never been in there shoes right? <br />
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Sometimes... all they need is someone to listen, someone to cheer for them. Even if they leave juvi, then come back a month later. They still want that cheerleader, that positive conversation. They want someone to listen to them. And guess what.... I can do that. The power of presence is so ridiculously cool.<br />
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And as I re-read this post... I realize that none of this really makes any sense at all.... but... alas this is what is on my mind... my crazy girl, ridiculous, most of the time clueless, still figuring myself out... me. But I like her....Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-32011209258697680002012-01-06T12:10:00.000-06:002012-01-06T12:10:09.603-06:002012... Bring it onAs the new year has set in, I cannot help but think where I was exactly a year ago.... Literally in a different world. I would have never DREAMED I would be sitting in Chicago, on a Friday morning enjoying a latte after a busy 3 days of circle training. 2011 was a year of ehhhhh confusion and roller coasters. This time last year, I was gearing up for my last semester of college, plowing through all nighters to finish nasty capstone papers, getting myself out of stupid trouble and making memories with best friends I was blessed with in college. I miss those people every day. During that last semester I was stressing about my summer and year to come. Was I going to be out of the country for two years? It was a waiting period that drove me caaarazy! Slowly but surely I accepted a sweet internship with Youth Volunteer Corps as a summer coordinator working with youth and volunteering at various non-profits throughout Kansas City. Then the possibility of being a full time volunteer with Precious Blood Volunteers became real and eventually I made my way to the Windy City! As I have always had this itch to live in the city of Chicago I made it! I got out of Kearney, Mo! I was on my own adventure to Chicago! As much as I thought everything would be awesome, I didn't prepare myself for the past months. At all..... but how could I? And from there my blog begins at the beginning, no need for me to repeat myself ;) As I sit and reflect how the past has impacted where I am today, I don't regret anything. I am so happy for where I am now..... Cheers to 2012 and the possibilities in the future... wherever that will take me!<br />
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So, a little catch up/rewind. The past three days our center held a circle training for youth from our local neighborhood public schools. I was one of the, "circle keepers." (Actually I didn't have to many responsibilities.... which is good because I got a refresher and picked up so much more this time around.) The ultimate goal of this idea was to give power and knowledge to these youth, the knowledge of circles. By training them we hope that they take circles back to their schools. Just thinking of the possibilities of how they can use these techniques in their school could be HUGE! <br />
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Reminder: Circles can be used for an array of things. You could have a circle to honor someone, confront a family problem, conflict/resolution, (I'm totally blanking on the right word) crime resolution ect. The possibilities are truly endless. Circles give everyone a chance to share what they are, what they are thinking, it gives someone a voice in an environment in which they feel safe to share in. (Again I could go on so much longer on what circles are and do.... call me, I'm not going to bore you with jib jabberin on here about it. Lets get to the good stuff.) <br />
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As the last day came, we asked that the kids group off and create a circle in which they could actually take back to their school. What would the problem be, what questions would be asked, ect. So..... time OUT... ask yourself what kind of problems you had in high school.... ummmm mayyyyybe bullying, not getting enough playing time on the field in your sport of choice, bad lunch room food blah blah blah. Here were their problems/questions/thoughts and comments on questions: I wouldn't send my child to that school because its to dangerous, people pull the fire alarm to start a fight in the hallways, if you get through the hallway without getting yelled at/confronted its a miracle, the security guards are gang banging sometimes, the security guards are no help, there aren't enough security guards, just because there is a metal detector doesn't mean there aren't any weapons in the school (hellooo combination lock with a shoe lace tied to it... ouch), kids getting on the bus, kids getting off the bus to violence because a certain bus stop = a certain "gang stop," sometimes there is peace in the school, but the minute you walk out the door of the school, kids turn on each other because they are in different gangs. I could go on..... but I won't. The point I guess I am trying to get to is not, they have so much more to worry about at their age than I ever did when I was their age (which is true), but the point is, they have no escape. THAT is there life, THAT is there education. How do you put a stop to any of those things. One person shared that even 5 years ago, gangs were just like clubs, people were just a part of them... it wasn't as bad as it is now. I mean yeah back 5 years people were killed ect. But NOW, everything is worse, people are more desperate and way more violent. <br />
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The training taught me a lot, and got me to think about things on a different level. As these kids got more comfortable and shared more, I was able to listen and learn from them. I was able to see their struggles, make a picture, see the looks on their faces when describing a scary run in with gang members, just because they were laughing while they were talking, they stared at the floor the whole time, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. 18 years old. I could sit here and feel sorry for the youth, but that's just a waste of time. By meeting and listening to the 12 youth who made it to the training, it gives me hope. Just with these 12 I saw courage and strength. I <u>saw</u> hope. There are kids out there who are looking for a way out, are even making there way out. But have a hard time completely getting out, because they care and want to help those they are leaving behind. By giving them the tool of, "Circle training," just maybe, they will use it, they will call back to our center and ask us for help or tell us about a successful circle? The possibilities are endless and I love that feeling. <br />
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The past three days have been an eye opener and closure for me all at the same time. Instead of living two lives, like I felt I was for the past while, with that gap slowly closing to make it one, the past three days may have just closed it indefinitely. I feel as if all is one. My experience here is definitely one of a kind, but its mine. As my two lives have finally become one, I can move forward a lot stronger. Just like the kiddos and their possibilities being endless..... so are mine.<br />
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So.... here's to 2012; taking chances, speaking out a little bit more and making a difference (oh and actually maybe exercising a bit more haha) Bring it on 2012.....Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-90104441223398090182011-12-25T19:52:00.000-06:002011-12-25T19:52:14.825-06:00Tis the SeasonChristmas..... <br />
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I learned this year how much Christmas really means to me. This year I was the one coming home to my family. To make it back for the best two days (Christmas Eve and Christmas). I've said before, I come from a big family. One of three and extended families on both side, huge and awesome. This Christmas I realized how unique my family is and how blessed I am. <br />
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The week leading up to my departure was filled with quite a bit in such a short time. I encountered real life, "Mean Girls," and got to do my first circle! By myself! I walked in a little intimidated.... 7th grade girls ughh. By the end, I decided I won em over, no questions about it. It reminded me about what 7th grade was like... geeze, good luck. I feel like those are the years you just keep going..... kids are mean. The following two days were filled with wrapping AXE cologne kits, and hoodies and decorating the center. Oh and bagging up 250ish bags of candy. The cologne and hoodies were for Wednesday night circle/our centers Christmas for the boys. I'm pretty sure I went home both Tuesday and Wednesday smelling like cologne haha<br />
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Our center and Kolby House put together bags for kids in Juvi each Christmas. That way the kids in Juvi get something over the holidays, otherwise they would get nothing. Early in the week Sr. Donna and I had to go drop of bags to get them approved by Juvi, for letting us hand out bags. The candy bag was approved. However, a bag with: toothpaste, a tooth brush, short socks, and some kind of soap was not approved. Apparently tooth brushes can be chiseled down into a spear of some kind, creating a weapon to stab people and socks can be turned into a device to hang yourself.... reallllly? So, candy it is this year I guess? Dumb.<br />
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Tuesday night I went into Juvi to kick it. Usually the courts try to get as many kids home before Christmas as possible. So, numbers were down. Well.... I guess you could say that. That night I met a kid that I can pinpoint what, but he had some kind of mental disability/just.... wasn't all there. Played some Uno with him and tried to talk but, wasn't to successful. At the end of the night, on the way home I couldn't help but think about him. Why was he there? Whatever crime he committed I am betting he was taken advantage of, clearly without him knowing. He was doing someones dirty work, and I am betting he couldn't tell right from wrong? I can't assume to much... I guess just a possibility? (hardly)<br />
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At one point in the week one of the doors in our center got locked and we didn't have a key for that door. Of course behind that door were all of the Christmas presents. When I confronted the problem, it was kind for shrugged and I was told to go get one of the boys to help get it, "unlocked." By unlocked..... ehhh basically pick the lock. And after picking away, and kicked it in a bit, the door was opened. I've seen it done a few times now, I may just inherit this new trait haha I mean, it may come in handy some day. So.... as the worry of Christmas being locked behind a door was apparent, it quickly disappeared by breaking into the room! Hey if you got the skill, might as well use it for a good cause! <br />
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Finally, Wednesday came. After running around getting a sweet massage (a present for Christmas), and then getting some legit tamales for lunch and good conversation with some girls, finally one last thing to do, Christmas for the boys. We had dinner catered by an awesome Kolby House volunteer! Brisket yummmm. Off to circles, where the theme was, "What does Christmas mean to you?" As a rule, what's said in circle, stays in circle. But, the biggest theme was, "togetherness and family." All week between conversations with some girls, kids in Juvi, and conversation in Circle.... the theme of togetherness and family were beaming everywhere I looked. Some kids down on the South side never had a tree for Christmas, or the star at the top was considered a gang symbol rather than a guide for Mary and Joseph and the 3 wise men. Presents were nothing but a "real meal." Hopes of seeing family were the true present. Last post I talked about how I felt as if I lived in two different worlds sometimes. How I have my family life, a simple, safe, blessed life vs. the streets of the Ghetto, a life of violence. Two, obviously very different environments right? Well, maybe where I thought these two environments are very much crazy different.... guess what? They are pretty similar as well. If you talked with anyone in my family they would tell you that presents aren't really that big of the deal. Its about being together with everyone, talking, eating tamales and burritos, or ham and potatoes and simply being with each other is all that really matters. Very similar "themes," that were shared in circle with the boys. So, as I struggled with these two different worlds... things like this make it easier an easier to see my world as one, or helps me see that they aren't so much different. Amen to that!<br />
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So, as presents were handed out that night, I packed and literally had to sit on my suitcase to zip it up for my flight home and I have lived through the Christmas eve/Christmas madness and got to meet my new nephew/Godson, I have nothing but a smile on my face. I couldn't be more thankful this Christmas season :) Cheers to the Christmas season!Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-46847373943884786442011-12-16T12:53:00.000-06:002011-12-16T12:53:02.187-06:00TrustI think that I am finally gaining a little trust. Before I used to walk into a room and everything would go quiet. If the boys were joking around talking about whatever, they would just stop smile and stare at the ground. Now, they just keep on talking. The other day I was just sitting in the kitchen for probably an hour just talking... them talking about cars, music or whatever..... me listening and chiming in if I had anything to say. Then all of the sudden, they were asking me questions. Not silly things, but more serious things. (At this time I would like to thank my father, guess what, I actually do listen when you are lecturing me about my car!) They started asking me car questions, because I told them that someone was haggling them about their car troubles..... (I don't think I would EVER take my car to be fixed down here. Everyone is out to get more out of you. You take a car in, they tell you that you need to fix $1,000's of dollars worth of crap. In reality those things don't need to be fixed. Then if you do take it to be fixed regardless, there is the possibility that they break something on your way out so that you have to come back.... coooool, ok I shouldn't say this for ALL cases, but... it happens). It's funny because from the car conversation, it developed into a bank conversation. Savings, checking accounts, DO NOT GET A CREDIT CARD, all the way to money CD's. I can honestly say that I struggle with all that money stuff. But my information to them was like opening a door they had never thought of. Instead of walking around with a wad of cash duhhhh open a checking account..... Things like that. It's nice to finally feel, I'm not exactly sure what the right word is.... lets go with "accepted." Finally!<br />
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I went out to lunch the other day with the girl I used to tutor to talk about whats been going on and if she wants to come back. Within the first 5 minutes she looked at me and simply says, theres something different about you since the last time I saw you (probably at least a month ago). I asked her what it was, and all she said was she thought I looked happier. The smile on my face wasn't forced, the way I carried myself now vs. when I first met her, was completely different. Like I was stronger or something. All I could think was did I look that bad before? Could people tell that I was definitely out of my comfort zone, forcing myself through the thick of the beginning? I guess I don't have such a great mask after all. (I had a soccer coach yell at me one time because I wore my expression on my face, there was no way I could tell a lie with my expression. I guess he was right, and so is the girl). But I'm not trying to hide anything anymore. I am happier now, and I do feel stronger but that's because I finally feel comfortable in my own shoes. Apparently I don't adjust as quickly as I wish I could.<br />
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So, to a new subject.... I need something. I need a project. Something to call my own. Something that I want to see at Precious Blood. Some kind of creative cool thing that I can tackle and accomplish.... I don't know what that thing is? Its like every time I put my thinking cap on, this cloud comes and sits over my head blocking out anything I should be thinking about.... thought? anyone? <br />
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These days I look forward to checking my mailbox! I used to go weeks in college and never check the box because it would be a waste of time. Nowadays, I get real stuff in the mail! Whether is a Christmas card, (oh and some b-day cards in there too) or just a hey how are ya letter OR a sweet care package from some awesome people back in good ol' Missouri! (Or maybe I am just anticipating some snow boots I ordered online, to get me through the crazy snow that is promised to come soon enough.) Either way, I love getting a little something because it helps me realize that I've got some support out there. I have been here for roughly 4 months. Things around me are starting to sink in as every day life. I almost forget how the outside world works. I know it sounds weird and kind of dumb. I've accepted life here on the South side as normal. I'm not shocked by a whole lot anymore, but when I tell someone about work or whatever back home, or just outside of where I work... they just shake their head and kind of laugh, out of shock and just say, Oh Bon, you life.... (Guess what... I like it, my life that is.)<br />
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The biggest thing that I think I have conquered this week is the fact that... yeah I feel kind of alone sometimes, but if I feel alone its only because I have chosen to feel alone. I have made friends here (ok they might not consider me a friend, friend, but they are all I have... the boys at the center), I have awesome co-workers (they bet on my sister having her new baby, on what time he would come! Regardless, the money came to me to go buy a little present representing Precious Blood, maybe I should go buy a little pair of sweet kicks, since that's what the boys always buy, new shinny shoes?), I have family and friends and even people I don't even know out there thinking about me.... Sounds pretty awesome to me! <br />
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So with that little sweet realization I have to give a little shout out to my GODSON! Little Harrison Bryan Norman is here, and healthy! 11:21am 8lbs 9oz. (true Kane baby right there) 21in. long. I got to skype with everyone while they were at the hospital, me at work. I cannot wait to get home and chillax with the little man! I am so happy for my sister and brother-in-law! Congrats!<br />
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And with that... I am off to ponder what sweet little something to get the new guy, I get lost somewhere for the weekend :)Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-2516401044571506382011-12-08T15:26:00.000-06:002011-12-08T15:26:55.548-06:00I believe I have some catching up to do.....Warning: I apologise now, this could be a long one ;)<br />
<br />
Here's a rough lay out:<br />
Discrimination<br />
17 dollars lighter<br />
Help-Portrait<br />
Birthday weekend<br />
Shinan's (shenanigans)<br />
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We'll start out simple.... ha, I guess. Last week I had quite the convo. Someone was in to have their paper looked at, the paper was over "discrimination." So, myself and one of the boys started out with the basics, what is discrimination, what kind... wait? what kind of discrimination?-- you know, age, race, work, sex, ect ect ect. WOW timeout there is more than just race discrimination? (why yes, and so we begin) After internet searching, google (is great) and so forth, we stumbled upon this conversation. (I will try my best to relay the conversation) We are saying A-the other person B- is ME!<br />
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A. Bonnie can I ask you a question, and you promise you won't get angry with me?<br />
B. I don't ever get mad, so of course you can.<br />
A. You are here, the same age as I am, and you have this job. I could do your job. I know how to act, help and work with kids that come in and out of here. And you don't have their trust yet and don't know how to act with them yet. And you get paid for this. I feel like I have been discriminated against because you have this job and I didn't even get the chance. <br />
B. But I don't get paid for this, I am a volunteer. I am here to learn and give back. I'm not here for recognition or a pay check.<br />
A. But you get something in the end right? Like you are here because of school, or you will write a paper about this and get credit, or money for school right? Overall, you get something out of this right?<br />
B. Sure, I get something out of this. I get the experience. I guess I get to add something else on my resume, thats all though...<br />
A. Oh... well then you are here volunteering and its not part of school or anything like that. Volunteers always say that they are here to give back. Well, that's what all the older people say. They say they want to give back. But your 23 now, you haven't received anything. How can you give back something, if you haven't received anything yet?<br />
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Its like this idea keeps haunting me, poking at me every once in a while, right as I am forgetting, it pops up.-- So why are you here? Its like I am this huge mystery that everyone is trying to figure out.. surprise! I'm trying to figure it out too! It's interesting. I love being here, even if I am not doing a whole heck of a lot. I am learning more and more about people. Trying to think of ways to get some of these boys, some of my favorites to reach their potentials, trying to get them to think about the big picture, get them away from here. But, I don't know how. <br />
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Yesterday, I left 17 dollars in my purse. Strategically waiting for me to use it on my Target run to buy face wash and toothpaste. Well, I got to Target, picked up my desired whitening toothpaste and exfoliating face wash, opened up my wallet and BAM! Nothing was there. Cooooool. I guess I will confess and say that I'm not surprised that it didn't happen any sooner. I was mad, more than mad, pissed. The next day I was talking to one of the boys about it and he was so nice. He was sorry he didn't warn me sooner, or gave me some tips as to what I should have done. He just sat there and shook his head and apologized for whoever it was. Well, all I can hope for is that the money was spent on something good right (except who I thought it was miiiight have showed up later high..... nice) Moooooving on :) <br />
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Help-Portrait was a success, so I hear! I was unable to make it on that Saturday, but everyone said it was... organized chaos. So... sounds like a success to me!<br />
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My birthday weekend was fab! Best birthday I have had in years! No really! The past four years my birthday always landed on the week before college finals. Yuck! This year three of my best friends came up. We stayed down on Michigan ave. Shopped, walked, sight seeing, shopping, drinks, pizza, the bean, shopping. You know... all that fun stuff. It was so good! Now if only just one of them lived here!<br />
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I gave someone a ride yesterday and he asked me the next time we drove together, not to drive down the street that I did. Even though he wasn't in a gang, he was black, and he was in the wrong gang area. Good thing it was cold outside and there wasn't anyone hanging out outside. <br />
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I was at Juvi the other night and I was re-named Bonnie Blue Eyes (he doesn't know that my Grandpa calls me Bonnie Blue because of my blue eyes.) This kid was shocked by how blue <span style="background-color: white;">my </span>eyes were... or maybe he was hitting on me? Either way, we had a really good conversation. It kills me every time I meet a kid that is in Juvi for the first time. They are always so quite, scared and asking, how do I get through this? I hate Juvi. It makes me so mad thinking about how many kids are there and how they are treated. <br />
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Finally talked to the girl I was tutoring way back when. She is having family problems. There is so much going on with her I couldn't even begin to talk about everything going on with her. I guess my only question is, when can you tell someone that its time to worry about themselves than worry about everyone else? <br />
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Each week always circles around to the same problems: race, family problems, gang lines, discrimination, why is this crazy white girl still here? So here I am, blue eyes and all.... still here, thinking.Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-16217843014815726902011-11-28T15:10:00.000-06:002011-11-28T15:10:14.366-06:00Help-PortraitHere's where you come in....<br />
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Here at PBMR (Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation, duuuuh where I work) we are collaborating with a project called Help-Portrait. The basic breakdown is, professional photographers come and volunteer their time at lower income areas. We strategically pick a place to house these photographers, people to do hair and make-up, everything! Families or people get to come and get their family photo's taken, and receive a FREE photo! Here is the video for this years campaign, I dare you not to shiver or smile when watching this video ;)<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tNIlatBHD2A">http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=tNIlatBHD2A</a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Told ya not to smile :) I am super excited to be promoting such an awesome event. It's funny to think about family photo's and thinking that some families have never had one before. Back home we have a whole wall of family photo's, you can buy a book at Urban Outfitters filled with "awkward family photo's (which I love picking up when I am there and leafing through it... classic). But through Help-Portrait you get this awesome opportunity for a family photo with REAL/Professional photographers AND a print out for FREE! So tight.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Here's the deal. We maaaay or may need a little funding. All proceeds go to buying the photo paper, ink, printers ect. No one makes any money here, we just need a little bit of help (who knew all paper and all that stuff cost so much!) Here is the link to donate: <a href="http://bit.ly/HP_Chicago">http://bit.ly/HP_Chicago</a> </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">My birthday is this Friday (if you didn't know ;)) and I have a few friends coming in town for it!!! Hopefully, I can talk em into volunteering for a bit at the event. hehe </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">Another way you can help is just send some positive vibes and prayers our way! This is the first time that we will be doing this here in Back of the Yards (the area I work in, they have this event elsewhere throughout the city as well). This week is our week to promote the event! EEEK! We just hope that we are successful in gathering a lot of families to come and take advantage of this awesome opportunity. So, be thinking about us, hoping that this is a success! </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">I wonder if I should just walk down the street with a big ol sign promoting all the info for the event in a Statue of Liberty costume would help? What......everyone else promotes stuff that way? haha</div>Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-54795811672824444472011-11-26T23:00:00.000-06:002011-11-26T23:00:47.697-06:00Home Sweet Home: Thanksgiving additionAhhh a break from all the Chicago action for just a little while.... such a much needed break! I was beginning to think too much, ask too many questions, worry about nothing, stress about who knows what and have a constant antsy feeling like, I needed to be doing SOMETHING! <br />
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The day before I was to come home I was literally jumping all over the office, being an absolute crazy girl, laughing about anything and everything, jib jabberin about anything to whoever would listen. (And I only had one cup of coffee that day too! I am sure everyone thought I was a nut case haha) I knew that I would be coming home for a short stay and I couldn't sit still! After hours of running all over, packing, kind of sleeping I was finally on my way home! Once on the plane, a quick read through the latest People Magazine, a complimentary water and all of the sudden, "Welcome to Kansas City," came over the intercom. As lame as I am... not gunna lie, I miiiiiight have had some watery eyes and an escaped tear here and there. I was home.<br />
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As my week flew by, I learned a few things. My family is AMAZING (well I already knew that, but it never hurts to have a reminder here and there) Getting home, picking up my Niece and Nephew from school, game night at Grandpa's, my first night home, I was happier than happy. It's true what they say, "Home is where the heart is," (eww I totally sound like a cheese ball) family is who you are, they are the people that have truly been there for me. I've had some rough times and realizations in Chicago. Its those bad days that by chance I get a random e-mail, text, letter or phone call from one of them that has helped me push through every day. I don't think I can thank them enough for how much I love them. And of course, my friends never cease to amaze me. Those girls that have been my friends for so long, its funny, we may not see each other allll the time, but it doesn't matter. Time passes, but just because time passes doesn't mean the friendship does. You graduate college, run off in different directions, and when you take that path, you learn not only a lot about yourself, but about who cares about you, supports you and is truly there for you. This week has shown me who those people are. Its been an interesting realization to say the least ;)<br />
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I finally feel rested up, stuffed (no seriously, I still have a stomach ache), energized and .... happy. I would be a liar if I said that I didn't miss Chicago, because I have. I can't wait to get back and jump in on some new project, get some old ones re-kindled and do... what I do (again, still trying to figure that out haha) <br />
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So until Christmas here is the itinerary: (according to my nieces and nephew haha)<br />
1. Bon-Bon's Birthday (Which I am VERY excited for some visitors and maybe my BEST birthday in YEARS!!)<br />
2. Col-Col's baby is born (pretty <span style="background-color: yellow;">bummed</span> I will miss out on this one... BUT I call first dibs on him when I get back.... GODMOTHERS get to go to the front of the line... according to me!)<br />
3. Christmas! (and then of course... thats all that matters to an 8, 6 and 4 year old! SO... thats all I'm planing for too)<br />
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I need to make a b-day/Christmas list... But I don't know what to put, I don't really need anything. I am a lot richer than I thought :) <br />
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I take that back.... I do need snow boots... but thats all! (rumor has it, this winter will be one of Chicago's worst winters, did I ever mention that I am a whimp when it comes to super cold weather? Yes, I did move to Chicago, knowing this.... Truelife: I am a nutcase.) Till... later- Peace<br />
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Look for a new update pretty soon! I need YOUR help with something!!!!!Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-16690803975883583602011-11-13T12:29:00.000-06:002011-11-13T12:29:20.619-06:00I get it... but I don't get it.It has been really hard to try and explain to the boys why I am here. I can't say its my job, because its not. If I say I am a volunteer, there second question is why am I here all day and what is my second job? Finally concluding in, where do you live, how do you have money, and then of course when I tell them I am living with Sister Donna the next question is, are you a nun?<br />
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When I fully explain what I am doing here I get this small twinge of guilt mid sentence everytime. Here I am a college graduate, volunteering a year. The population I work with see's a college degree as the golden ticket out of their neighborhoods. Here I am with one, first comming to their neighborhood. They ask me why, why am I here? Why would I waste a year of my life, at 22, volunteering in the ghetto of Chicago?<br />
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I never know what to say now. In the beginning it was easy. Now that I have been here a little longer, gotten to know the issues of the culture, and have made friendships, its harder. Now I feel some what guilty. I have nice cloths, I don't wear the same thing every day or even twice a week. I don't worry about a cold house when I get home. I don't worry about food. All of those things are just minor issues. I don't worry about surviving, staying alive.<br />
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You always see movies coming out about the ghetto and how its portrayed and you think its so untrue. People belive racism is dead; non-existant. Some see the poor as lazy, dumb and African Americans as violent. <br />
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I'm not going to sit here and lecture or blab about social issues. No one wants to hear of some ones account or take on such issues. But each of the issues stated above... exist in a bigger way than many belive. Racism is very much still in our world. The poor have never been given good education and a quality chance to overcome... anything. African Americans are not violent. <br />
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All I am saying today is that.... I get it..... but I will never get it because I never lived it. <br />
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This week I was, for the first time scared. After that minor encounter it shook me up big time. Then I saw a movie that was very cleaver in disguising the portrayal of America and the poor and rich. These events all following the week before with the art exhibit. All these events and encounters made me shift in my ideas of why I am here and my views of the people around me. <br />
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I still can't answer the question, "why are you here?" Beacuse frankly.... i'm not exactly sure yet. What I can say is that I have learned far more than my college degree ever taught me, and its only been roughly, 3 months. And with my faith... I am here for a reason, I just haven't quite figured out why yet.... but in time, I will know. <br />
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So maybe the title of this blog shouldn't be, "I get it, but I don'g get it," but instead, "I get it, but I never will get it."Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-78890914479631654662011-11-07T15:28:00.003-06:002011-11-07T16:04:06.029-06:00A weekend.....<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLWxewZCpPAp56EjT7fIO6alU36K1jvtDJX56uLcdvRhkqJc0xiIQ5jI8DoVGVJA6o_-CjzPBN4iBNCJKwO8MZMwtX-AcRGEwPvAuFpV2ShlW6MlyD-Aey8f_iVYMDmLgju58nT5RyJAw/s1600/iPhone+055.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; height: 139px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; width: 121px;"><img border="0" height="200" ida="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLWxewZCpPAp56EjT7fIO6alU36K1jvtDJX56uLcdvRhkqJc0xiIQ5jI8DoVGVJA6o_-CjzPBN4iBNCJKwO8MZMwtX-AcRGEwPvAuFpV2ShlW6MlyD-Aey8f_iVYMDmLgju58nT5RyJAw/s200/iPhone+055.JPG" width="149" /></a> As promised.... another post after the eventful weekend! Saturday, along with co-workers, we took a group of the boys to Ohio. The boys that came were ones who come to the center frequently. We drove to Salina, OH where a fun little cabin awaited us. The big question was.... who was going to ride with me in my car? haha It was either me, or the van with Fr. Denny along with a TV and of course, the Xbox. Poor Jonathan had to ride with me first haha... after getting out of the city the music wasn't coming through.... this is what happens when all I have in my car is a Taylor swift CD...... haha oops</div></div></div></div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr1XnZSnKCQPOfaPFPay3-JyPq4Si5I1IELSbgeeJP-cQKCTZLZ1JSNpujMkgI5nJ6_oQfX3fDDs83gw2NfIIKxukMAHHt7VvOyAMfe9lNWuFYJPFfHD0NWlX6PnCZIEhlk2Gg-TTy0HY/s1600/iPhone+056.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; cssfloat: right; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" ida="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhr1XnZSnKCQPOfaPFPay3-JyPq4Si5I1IELSbgeeJP-cQKCTZLZ1JSNpujMkgI5nJ6_oQfX3fDDs83gw2NfIIKxukMAHHt7VvOyAMfe9lNWuFYJPFfHD0NWlX6PnCZIEhlk2Gg-TTy0HY/s200/iPhone+056.JPG" width="200" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Once we got to the cabin, I felt like I was babysitting 10-11 year old boys instead of hanging out with 18-22 year old's. Each ran to the rooms to claim their place to sleep. Once that was done we went out to the little pond out back where the competition of skipping rocks began, and "who can hit the bush with a rock on the other side of the pond." In the distance you could see a deer stand... or in other words, "the club house." As they ran around looking at everything and laughing I couldn't help but laugh right along. Then they found one of those paddle boats and of course they had to pull that out. </div></div></div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; text-align: center;">Getting a little too close to the water in the back?</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Everyone in the boat: Success!</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"> </div>Of course there were a few, uh malfunctions. Once they were in, the peddles didn't work oopsies.... so they were just kind of.... floatin around. And then of course they got scared and jumped out as soon as they got close to the edge, no one grabbing the rope. So, it went a float. haha I have not laughed that hard in a long time, tears streaming down my face. Amazingly enough, no one actually fell in, just a little water on the shoes. <br />
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</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Mytg0bTJpJA51E2rqL_xzQgY9dST_bnymLNRk7-_Um3Bbxj6nw3mRVV8zE7XzEFp2ooJeUBeCgr5pBW9tW2MBbcbW830SJZb_bA1jcNF885zNablm37EauI6jIHEWfplNeMhX8e7I6U/s1600/iPhone+065.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" ida="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0Mytg0bTJpJA51E2rqL_xzQgY9dST_bnymLNRk7-_Um3Bbxj6nw3mRVV8zE7XzEFp2ooJeUBeCgr5pBW9tW2MBbcbW830SJZb_bA1jcNF885zNablm37EauI6jIHEWfplNeMhX8e7I6U/s200/iPhone+065.JPG" width="149" /></a>Later in the night, as it began to get a dark outside, I guess the environment created some creative minds? The boys thought it would be a great idea to make a movie! Of course a murder movie. Typical, car breaks down, creepy house near by and people are disappearing left and right ;) Yes, we made a movie.... well only half. After yelling how the plot would go, and then filming some we got a little side tracked. Too bad though.... I think it would have been a hit haha</div></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Sunday morning we woke up, ate some fillet Mignon and eggs (no that was not a typo.... that was breakfast, compliments of Trader Joe's donations). Then off to Dayton to see an art exhibit. The exhibit was titles, "KKK: Kin Killing Kin," by James Pate. The art was a powerful and thought-provoking series of images reflecting Pate’s deep love for youth and his great concern for the epidemic of youth violence in the African American community. This is one of the most critical social ills of our time—Youth violence. Here is some of his art. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">"Your History" I'm the king of the drug trade, Which is the number one option and the number one means of commerce that dominates my exposure. I am ready to kill or be killed by any kin that opposes my effort. I'm prepared to lose my life at the hand of any kin in defense of my commodity. I'm a descendant of the Ife Kingdom Olokun, founder of the Yoruba Dynasty of West Africa. I am what I am not.</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg63JTE58aD9SlA0PIVkS-xEfjO_MtPihyphenhyphenO6tTdvu2x_ALz6R1-uSrcMBWVpAhDFmfg8RCA7N2voB3S9aA-_qK9mh0QnZc2MEoHSCMJ_DFtLj4nV0WgRlUSgKlon4gWUNi5sK3MS8RPaWM/s1600/iPhone+083.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" ida="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg63JTE58aD9SlA0PIVkS-xEfjO_MtPihyphenhyphenO6tTdvu2x_ALz6R1-uSrcMBWVpAhDFmfg8RCA7N2voB3S9aA-_qK9mh0QnZc2MEoHSCMJ_DFtLj4nV0WgRlUSgKlon4gWUNi5sK3MS8RPaWM/s400/iPhone+083.JPG" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">After viewing the art work we got to meet the artist, James Pate. The exhibit was moving and the conversation was beautiful. As we sat in circle and listened to the voices and stories of many African American males that came just to see the boys, I couldn't help but sit there and watch each of their faces. Each face was so involved, every one of them grasping on each word that was shared. Then they shared their lives, their troubles and triumphs, their wishes. (To a minimal.) </div> <br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">During the Civil Rights movement over 6,000 African Americans were lynched. In our world today 2,000 African Americans are killed because of youth violence. Many of those killings are brothers killing brothers. Many of these pictures hold a history of America's past and Americas present. In many of the pictures if you look the into the backgrounds you find African Americans being hosed down by firemen, in the foreground, kin killing kin. What America fought so hard to make disappeared, is still present today. It's just in a different form. </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: left;">This weekend I got to watch these boys evolve from the men they are into silly teenagers running around a cabin doing things I did when I was 4 years old (skipping rocks) riding in a boat (any time) and making a video (definitely did that in high school) then back into men. I got to hear what they thought of the art, hear about their lives and get to know them a little bit more. I know I have barely been here at all but I had this feeling of being.... proud. Proud and privileged to be able to just sit and watch them, even if I am the intimidating white girl that's always around, skinny and pretty eyes. I'll take what I can get :) </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div><div style="text-align: left;"></div> <br />
<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-79933095659189153982011-11-04T12:57:00.000-05:002011-11-04T12:57:04.307-05:00Just another week....... (whatever that means)Last weekend I had the blessed visit of some familiar faces! My Mom and sister came to visit!!! It was definitely perfect timing. I was able to take the weekend to just relax, stay in a nice hotel and feel as if I was almost on a vacation as well! I showed em the hood, then we walked through Grant Park, people watched in Millennium park by the bean, shopped around a bit and caught Mary Poppins on Saturday! (I am kicking myself now for not taking ANY pictures... so dumb.) Sunday we walked Navy Pier and relaxed at the hotel and then caught a Second City show.Of course we grabbed some Garrett's Popcorn and Gino's deep dish pizza. My favorite part of the weekend though was just sitting and doing nothing. For the first time in a long time I was able to just sit and relax. I didn't have to stress about anything (I am learning I stress about way to much...and for no reason at all) I was in my comfort zone where I could just fall asleep on the couch, or sit and talk about anything I wanted. I didn't have to explain myself or worry about what someone thought about what I was saying. I was with family. I miss that comfort zone. <br />
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The past week I got a new education. Halloween. In the past I would have had 3 different costumes for the different parties in college. This year... I didn't dress up at all (that was kind of sad haha) Most people know that Halloween in the ghettos are known as gang initiation. In the Hispanic culture they refer to it as Day of the Dead; a day to come together and remember those who have died. Now, put all those things together.... what do you get? Killing and violence. The Thursday before Halloween there was a gang war not far from where I work. In remembrance of a former gang member, one gang went after the other. One boy was killed, another hospitalized. When Monday came everyone in the office was almost a little on edge. You could feel minds spinning, questions to the boys, "What are you doing tonight?" ect. Trick or Treaters leave the neighborhood to go elsewhere or one street is protected by police to allow safe trick or treating. Some areas restrict Trick or Treating hours 3-6 (daylight). I can see about a bazillion things wrong with this picture. How many do you see?<br />
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Wednesday night we had a bonfire in the parking lot of our center! We are celebrating 100 days of peace; Make your voice heard! How/what will you do to make peace heard in your community? We had a bonfire and invited local non-profits in the area, shelters and neighbors down the block. It was a success. We think maybe 75-100 people came! I of course was so excited because I would get to have a yummy s'more made on an actual bonfire (my former diet I had 2 summers ago when I was working in Yellowstone)! When we were inviting people, some of the boys said they had never had a s'more before, or roasted hot dogs. I was shocked. When the bonfire was built I think that they all thought I was nuts roasting my hot dog and making a s'more. As they watched many other people doing the same all the sudden they were all over that fire doing the same. AND enjoying it! Just because they may look burnt, doesn't mean they taste burnt. It was a fun night. We are trying to, "Put the neighbor back in the hood." <br />
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I woke up this morning, walked outside... annnnd had my first parking ticket...Welcome to Chicago.... apparently there was a sign A BLOCK down from where my car was, that said that the street was supposed to be cleared for street cleaning.... thank God a neighbor was out and said that the neighbors were going to fight it. Apparently no one else saw the sign either and got a ticket as well.... so fingers crossed we win? So lame. At least the neighbor was super nice and helpful!! <br />
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Agenda for the day/weekend: China town (I need a new phone cover... pray I can find one WITHOUT Hello Kitty on it!), Remembrance mass tonight and then tomorrow-Sunday myself and Fr. Denny are taking a group of boys to Dayton, OH to see an art exhibit called, Kin Killing Kin (KKK, play on words?) So, it should be an interesting weekend to say the least. Check the blog on Sunday... I am sure there will need to be an update.<br />
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Until then, happy weekend!Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-60136289633890204852011-10-26T11:50:00.000-05:002011-10-26T11:50:27.371-05:00EducationEducation: If proper education were given to everyone, what would our Nation look like? <br />
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It's interesting what kind of people you meet, and conversations you get into down here in, "Back of the yards." I get to sit and listen and watch what is going on around me. Here at work, every day is different. Some days I am busy tutoring away. Other days I have nothing to do. But that's the best part, because then I get to just sit and talk to who ever walks in the door. The boys are starting to recognize that I will be here for a while. I am always warmly greeted with a hand shake or a smile. I love it. <br />
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I was talking to Sr. Donna about who knows what and we started talking about education. Between boys and girls in Juvi and who walk through our doors, we come in contact with many young people. I am always impressed to meet and listen to whatever they have to say and I am always impressed by some of them. There are so many of these kids who are so smart and well spoken. You hear what they have to say, and sometimes I feel like I could close my eyes and be listening to some impressive lecture. No joke. Or even if they are in Juvi for drugs or for whatever reason they are there. There are some that can do math quicker than I can (okay maybe that's not saying much..... I'm not a huge fan of math). Or know how to do things I had no idea possible like: prying the metal part of a pencil off to stick it into a light socked (apparently its not strong enough to electrocute you, but fumes come out of it... sooooo you can smell it......) Sure, that knowledge definitely is not necessary, but that's smart stuff. The point that I am getting to is..... what if these minds were taught and given proper education. They are more than qualified. The brains down here are good minds. Those minds are thrown into jail because of their actions, but what if they had <u>real</u> education? It just bewilders me to think that there could be writers, activists, politicians, doctors, nurses, lawyers ... down here. If only education got more attention and took care of more children..... Maybe there wouldn't be as many arrests, killings, shootings, gangs? Sure you could argue that they had a different education, raised differently than myself.... duh. Of course I don't know how to hot wire a car in 5 seconds. There is street smarts sure, but what about education. If some of the kids had education like myself... how it should be.... What would our world look like?Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-88887879355050494712011-10-22T20:02:00.000-05:002011-10-22T20:07:40.542-05:00new tastes yummmmThis week has been the week of some new things that were actually pretty delicious. The girl that I am working with, teaching her how to read, and I decided to take a little field trip. We had been talking all week about different food in the area, what were her favorites and so on. So, Thursday when I picked her up she directed me to a little place around where she lives, which is in the Hispanic area of "Back of the Yards." That is where we got these little goodies. I forgot what they are actually called though... (I know I'm a genius) The one on the left is like a yogurt parfait... but different! The yogurt is much lighter and thinner than yogurt. Mixed in is a whole bunch of different fruits; strawberries, bananas, guava, papaya and then some granola. Then we got these other things, (on the right) They are everywhere. Whenever you look at a street side vendor in our area you always see these pin wheel things. Traditionally you add lemon juice and chili. I don't really know how to describe them other than they are NOT good for you, and they are delicious.<br />
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I have learned that we have to throw in some fun things. Teaching someone older how to read is hard enough. There are times that both her and I get frustrated with each other. But, adding in a little fun and letting her teach me something (food and there Spanish sayings) helps out a lot. It has helped keep the two of us on an equal playing ground. (This coming week is.... taco week!!! I cannot wait.) </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
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Here are a few things I have come in contact with this week that I have become even more aware of. Racism (I was dumb enough to think that in the 21st century there wasn't very much racism anymore) stupid me... its everywhere.... just in a different form. I was talking to an African American PO (probation officer) and a fellow co-worker (she is Hispanic). It is safe to say that I am the minority in my work, neighborhood environment. There is so much crime, drugs and gang violence ect in the area I work in. Talking specifically with these two people they expressed their feelings and insights. Black; its not a race, its a color. African American peoples identify themselves as so many different things, same with Hispanic--lesson 1. There are lighter and darker complexions that as a white person we may see but we never associate it with any kind of meaning--lesson 2. (ex. a darker Hispanic means they are from Mexico, which means more traditional/lower class) My Hispanic co-worker expressed how people treat her differently in the area when I am with her, because I am white. Its like, people are more careful.... if that makes any sense. (ex. if something were to happen to me, the cops would be on it in a matter of seconds..... not my observation, just what I have been told) lesson 3--There is corruption in the police system. Its like there is a rank of who is important, highest to lowest. How sad is that? lesson 4-- I have never thought about any of this.... from the two I was talking with replied, "there is no reason that you would have......you don't see it and you never will because of your color" (this was said not in a mean way, just matter of factly...) wow. (eeee talking about this makes me feel like I am walking on glass, I don't want what I write to come out wrong! So, if it sounds bad.... call me, I'll explain better on the phone).</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">I went to juvi this week and kind of got smacked in the face by my physical appearance. I walked in, no big deal, wearing jeans flats and a nice cardigan and plaid headband. I didn't think anything of it. One of the girls looked me up and down and told me I looked like a white, rich girl who her mommy and daddy spoil and buy me everything I want. ouch. My rebound was that I had paid for everything that I was wearing and somehow spun it into a lesson. Teaching her that with my hard work, going through college with a part time job at a clothing store paid off..... she bought it. But the fact of the matter was that, that was the last thing I wanted one of those kids to look at me and see. Truth: what I told her is 100% true. But... I'm not there to look all superior and uppity. I am there because I want to be. I'm not there to preach, just there to talk. Some of them get it....but....some just see me as she saw me, and that sucks. </div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">As this week has ended, I look forward to see whatever happens in the coming week. I have learned to never plan anything, just go with it. I have also learned I am quick on my toes (surprised the heck out of me). Who knows who will walk through the door, who I will meet, what kid will come in with an open wound (yes, that 2 and a half years of nursing school paid off... I had a patient the other day... nursing friends how do you feel about super glue stitches... Lord knows he can't/won't go get actual stitches....) I am optimistic.... what else can I be? </div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-69032590552954154602011-10-14T12:42:00.000-05:002011-10-14T12:42:53.943-05:00the new girlAhhh I love Friday mornings. <br />
1. sleepin in a little bit<br />
2. run or not to run (oh wait that has been every day... I need motivation for that part of my mornings)<br />
3. off to Bridgeport coffee house. yummm long mornings in a coffee house, enjoying my vanilla latte, writing on this thing and simply watching time pass by as I write, catch up and people watch..... <br />
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Earlier this week... Wednesday I wrote a post but decided to delete it. That day I got a care package from a friend, and I must say it was very thought out. Each little item represented something only a best friend would know. A care package is supposed to make you happy and at ease.... this one made me cry. Cry a lot harder than I have since I have been here. So I escaped the walls of my apartment to wallow in a chi latte. In the deleted Wednesday post I complained and spoke of being homesick and questions of why I came here in the first place. All these doubts came drifting through my mind. And then I had a phone call from someone brilliant. As I sat there in near tears complaining, he simply said... well... what did you expect? Did you expect everything to be easy? Did you expect to have friends in 5 minutes after you were there? You need to take it easy. <br />
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No one had really told me to sit back and "take it easy." No one had put me in my place and made me think. As I sat there and really thought about who I was, who I was becoming, did I like who that person was? All these thoughts came into play and as I walked home, the moment I walked in the door I turned my computer on and deleted that Wednesday night post asap. That person Wednesday night was sitting there feeling sorry for herself. I decided to get over her, she's gone. Though there are times that I come in contact with people, places or stories that make me feel... sad... or I may get homesick, I know that I have to just keep moving. And the longer I sit and think I am alone the more I turn into that girl who feels sorry for herself. (I don't like her) There are so many opportunities that I have been presented with. Instead of feeling awkward and a burden (how I have felt in the past) I have decided to just go with it, have fun, and be the "new girl." I have embraced her. (and I must admit I like her a lot.) I have a new strength and a new courage to myself. I feel much more comfortable in my shoes. <br />
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Enough of that whole emo shmeeemo junk.... moving on :)<br />
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Teaching someone to read ----- NOT easy.<br />
The English language is absolutely ridiculous. Why does every stupid letter have if not 2 but 3 different sounds? and then stupid rules like the "y" sounds like "y" or "ie" (ready) or "ya" (yellow)???? Then when you explain all that, some other stupid word comes along that all I can say is "well you just have to memorize that word. That's just what it is, that's how you read it. So, memorize it..... dear lord ...... I am not an educator.... just trying... very hard!<br />
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Oh, have I mentioned that my patience kind of sucks. I have always thought I was a pretty patient person. (My Mom would say otherwise. I have to admit.... she was right.... hate it when that happens)<br />
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I wish I could sit and talk about Juvi and type everything out. But it is way to much and so hard to explain. There are stories and faith that I have learned from so many of those kids. Then there are times that some of those kids and straight liars. I must admit, they tell a pretty good story. There are so many times that I want to call them out, and tell them that they don't have to tell a lie to me. Some I do, but some I don't. If telling a "story" makes them feel better so be it. Another thing about Juvi, I have learned. So many times I get waved down by a unit, so many want to "pray," (aka this gives them a chance to hold my hand... dear lord) or some ask for a hug. I have learned that I have to laugh and walk away. The first time I fell for the "praying," request I got the reaction of... "your hand are so soft girl," or "you smell so good girl." So... needless to say slowly but surely I have indeed learned. A wave, smile and "God bless" is just fine sometiems. You know when a kid is serious or not. But... I have learned to just go with it, in a guarded way. I don't mind most of the time... if it bothered me that much... then I would fear going back... instead I almost look forward to returning... so.....<br />
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I think I need to take a yoga class or something... to practice some meditation... Somehow I need to stay a little mentally balanced. As the weather is nice right now.... what happens when Chicago freezes me? I can't go running in crazy snow? huh new mission...... Groupon please present a cheap alternative to running! <br />
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Well, I have people watched for far to long and my poor latte is almost yucky cold.... I better head to the center to gear up for a sweet "College prep/discussion/circle!" A new little thing a co-worker, intern and I are starting. Hopefully some of the boys show up... fingers crossed!Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-91133285967830338492011-10-07T11:16:00.000-05:002011-10-07T11:16:40.662-05:00Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best. (dictionary.com)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>Hope is a word that I think I come in contact with every day. Whether it is lost, given up on, forgotten, betrayed by, wanted or desperately clung to. I've kind of talked about it before but it comes up so much more often than I thought. Specifically there is a girl that I met in Juvi and I cannot wait for her to come to our center soon! I met her while she was in for her first offense. From that first meeting I had this feeling that this place (juvi) is not where she should be. She has a loving family, has gone through some major hardship and has every reason to give up (Though I still don't know why she is in there... all she keeps saying is that she was helping someone out?) She has my card (ohh yeah that's another exciting thing! I have my own cards now! I'm like official or something.) But she sat their talking, coloring the wall of her cell (its part of an art project.... don't worry she was allowed to color on the walls) talking about how she understands why she is there ect ect. She wants to come to our center so that it keeps her busy and out of trouble. She just needs someone to talk to. (Oh and she was outraged that I haven't really been shopping around the city.... she may just be my shopping tour guide..... ) My biggest surprise was that she still had hope. No one had taken that from her. yet. Hopefully, she will never lose it. not on my time. But she is only one example of someone who still has hope. Others... that's a whole other story. <br />
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Over the past two weeks I have checked out and been a part of some seminars and lectures (oh lala). One was on the jail system in our country and the other was about working with youth. The one on the jail systems opened up my eyes to a whole problem I have never even considered. I have always thought that whoever is in jail deserves it, they obviously have done something to get there. (If co-workers are reading this I PROMISE I HAVE CHANGED MY IDEA!!) Putting a child in jail serves maybe 1% of good. Hey, I mean they get some free meals and get to sit and watch some movies (which have guns and violence in them, real helpful in teaching anything right?) and just relax. Talking to one youth he said that his first time in, he didn't mind it because he just hung out. Another youth was outraged by the whole system because she has to earn a certain level (you get some privileges if you are a "good kid." She has to earn a level 4 privilege just to see her child). Why does she have to earn time to see HER child. ohh she was heated. Can't disagree with her either. At least she wants to see her child. (That isn't always the case). Why isn't there more money put into programs of discipline and learning? Instead there are thousands, I'm sorry Millions.... of dollars put into building huge stone walls, having the latest security systems, and not only structures, but employing people to work in the jail. You add that all up and you would be shocked! (I know I was) If a quarter of that money were put into after school programs for kids maybe there would be no reason to send a kid to jail because instead of being busy playin some ball they were robbing the gas station on the corner. Or if a crime was committed, why can't we put money into programs that actually work to teach kids something rather than shutting them up in a closet for a week? Believe me I could go on for hours and I realize this is only cracking the surface because I have only just began to learn. <br />
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I came into this experience thinking, "Hey yeah I get to work with at risk youth. Some may have come from jails, but I will get to talk and work with them and make them a better person!" Oh Bon. All I was thinking was that I wanted to help and learn. And oh have I learned. You can't try and tell them how to be successful. You have to listen. Think of success. Everyone has their own definition. I feel successful because I dreamed up a dream to serve volunteer other than KC. I succeeded. The biggest thing I have learned here in the past couple of weeks is presence. Presence can be one of your strongest tools and it can be the biggest difference in one of the kids lives. Has anyone ever really listened to them? no. (Hey PBMR spirituality!) <br />
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Over the past few weeks I have certainly found myself in a different world. I knew it would happen, but I guess I just didn't think it would be completely as is. I have not only two parents who are (aaaamazing) and are still together, two siblings, both still living. I have never had friends who were in gangs. I grew up never having to worry about food on the table or money. I got to grow up slowly (as it should be). I got to experience everything a kid should be able to experience. Talking with some of the boys and girls that walk in and out of our door I am shocked by the experiences that they grew up with. Again I am shocked by how I respond. I just sit and listen and ask more questions and they share what they want. They know (well maybe) I did not grow up as they did, yet they don't seem to care at all. I don't know how to put how that feels. Its not that I feel sorry for them, because then that sounds like I am judging. I guess its just hope. I hope that they can turn their experiences into memories that they do not want to re-live. I hope that they want to better themselves. I hope that they go to school to earn an education and learn to love and make a difference. I can sit and hope all I want. But sitting here and hoping for all these things doesn't do a whole lot. I gotta be present and put a little action into that hope.<br />
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For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28142"><strong><span style="font-size: x-small;">25</span></strong></sup> But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. <br />
Romans:8 24-25<br />
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(These blog posts are soooo scatter brained. If you can follow then I applaud you.)<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Check out my card. ahaha </td></tr>
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Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-3817375255292128392011-09-22T13:32:00.000-05:002011-09-22T13:32:45.763-05:00Juvi.......Well, I went and I survived and I think I even liked going to the Juvenile Detention center! From here on out, I will be going every Tuesday and Thursday night. Here's the deal, we get there and you go through all these crazy security check points. I have a little badge that says I'm allowed and official to be there. I'm with the church... haha Soon we enter these elevators to take us to the different floors of kids. Each floor is assigned to different kinds of kids who committed crimes. One floor might be minor misdemeanors, others are more serious. (obviously)<br />
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You would think I would be scared out of my life, how and what am I supposed to talk to these kids about? I'm just this white girl from Kearney, Missouri. Naive little girl who looks like she is still in the 8th grade half the time. I was challenged the second I walked into one of the rooms with stares from guys that could easily break me physically and mentally om half. That whole intimidation thing. I knew what I was getting myself into. But I walked in smiling and waving, over confident. I had no idea what I was doing, but they didn't know that. So I pretended. I talked to each of them like I would a friend. I think they were shocked. They stuttered and then didn't know what to talk about at first. Then they just started talking, and opening up to conversation; why they were there, how long, do they regret it, what they want to change ect. Everything and anything. Then before I left they asked to pray. Simple as that. I was overwhelmed by the faith and hope of some of these boys.<br />
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Its true, those boys that are in Juvi...Truth: they need re-direction and discipline. But those boys are only boys. Scared for their lives, wanting to get out of gang life, wanting to be safe, wanting someone to care. They haven't come across much to be proud of nor any kind of opportunity to better themselves. Maybe they have been to Juvi 6 times. You would think they would learn right? Wrong.... its just a way of life here. Someone deals drugs to feed their family. Someone was at the wrong place at the wrong time. If you were born into this environment, how do you get out... alive? without scares? with someone who actually cares about you? Good luck.....<br />
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My hope for so many of these boys.... there are places that can help, but they have to decide and take advantage of whats good. It has to be their choice first. The boys at the center I work at are great. They are here because it is a safe environment for them. They do want to better themselves, they do want to get their GED so that they can get a degree in the future and feed their family. Our walls are only so thick. When they leave, yes they can always come back tomorrow, but they have to make the right decisions out there. Sometimes the difference between right and wrong is a tough one. I too am learning that. <br />
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As I mentally prepare myself to head back to Juvi tonight, I have made sure NOT to wear my skinny jeans (big mistake... maybe I'll go wash my makeup off before hand too?) I am sure to walk in over confident and ready for yet... just another Thursday night...Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-765119195067063012011-09-19T14:44:00.000-05:002011-09-19T15:34:11.514-05:00And so my first full week begins.....Recap: Last week I want to, "Circle training!" I am now 100% certified to lead a circle! It is still hard for me to actually explain exactly what Circle is. This technique can be used for a multitude of things such as: peace, reconciliation, sharing, community, the list goes on and on. Basically it is a way to address an issue, feeling, or even a crime from all angles. By sitting in circle a relationship is eventually established and people talk one at a time on what the issue may be. In the end things aren't always resolved and it may even take more than one circle. But the overall hope and accomplishment is basically pointing out similarities and truth.<br />
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(As I read through this description I realize it makes about almost zero sense. Hopefully, I will lead a circle soon enough to be able to explain with my own, personal experience) <br />
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This past weekend I was blessed by perfect timing of some familiar faces. Some family came in town for adventures to a Cubs game, Solider field for the NIU/Wisconsin game, and ventures throughout the city. I am so thankful for my family. They truly are such a support and rock to keep me grounded. I still think that I might have one of the best families around!<br />
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Here I sit my first full week of work beginning. Last week I met with a boy that I will be tutoring. He luckily has avoided being a part of a gang. However, at 18 he's seen plenty of violence related to gangs. I will be helping him get his GED. He does not attend school. However, I am starting to wonder if public high school is even worth it here in, "Back of the yards." The public schools here, in my opinion are just another venue for isolated gang violence. Guns make it past metal detectors every day, there isn't near enough security for the overpopulated school, and teachers.... ha! Good luck, just because they are there you have to ask how they can actually accomplish a lesson in the classrooms when <span style="background-color: white;">there aren't even</span> enough desks for the kids to sit in. I haven't been to one of the schools yet to see all this myself, I guess you could say this recollection is only word of mouth here at Precious Blood Ministry of Reconciliation. If it were my own personal experience, I am betting mine would be 5x worse. <br />
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Back to my 18 year old who I will be tutoring. He is basically homeless, and word is, he has tried to get his GED multiple times in the past but has always given up. If its up to me this kid WILL get is GED in the amounted time given. I will (OK I already have) bribe him. (not really, I just told him I would bake a Carmel cake... if anyone has any recipes I am in dire need... I have no idea how to make a Carmel cake! hah) So we set everything up last week, he was to come in today at 12.... guess what... no show. Here I was all excited, we had discussed everything and I told him that this is his decision, I'll help but ultimately he has to decide and do the work to accomplish this. It's not about me. <br />
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Today at 1 he called me to apologise. He didn't make it down here because....basically he's afraid to ride the bus. He's scared to ride the bus in broad day light/middle of the day. I'll let you imagine why. He promised he will be here tomorrow.... so I am praying he makes it here tomorrow..... Because gosh darn it... he WILL get this GED...... done and done.... <br />
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so... <br />
until tomorrow.....<br />
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Last thing, I was just assigned a circle. Me and another co-worker are to set up a circle between a 16 year old and a police officer. The kid robbed this officer. As part of his sentencing, he was given some time with "Project Re-pay," (a service we offer the kids as a community service kind of project) and the option of doing a, "Circle," with us. Now begins the planning... ahhhhhhh time will be a little delayed because he is not out of juvi yet. It may be a possibility that I see him there? Who knows! <br />
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It's only my first Monday and from here on out..... game on (I have a feeling there may never be a dull moment in this office..... I love it!)Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-16233458788539651222011-09-10T11:24:00.000-05:002011-09-12T21:41:05.092-05:00Still here!Well... its been quite the whirlwind of emotions and I have only been here for three and a half days! When I was driving into the city I couldn't decide if I should puke or get out of my car and dance... such a toss up I know. As I followed my GPS I ran into a Target! I knew this place would be great! After being welcomed into the city (honked at multiple times), I realized that I needed to become a more aggressive driver I suppose? Such a warm welcome. Then I realized that every street in Chicago is basically a one way street (thank God I can read signs) and that every intersection has a stop sign. cooool.<br />
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As I drove around the area I felt at home. I live in the "Bridgeport" area. It's diverse, cute, has a fab coffee shop and of course every kind of food imaginable. I love it.<br />
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My little apartment with Sister Donna is small, but homey. My room is similar to Harry Potter and the closet under the stairs... haha no just kidding! I love it! I have my own bathroom, and my closet is down the hall, so that's interesting. Living with Sister Donna is good. I think the lady may have more energy than I do. We watched the Saints, Packers game the other night together and she got so excited when, "those guys started running and their little legs move so fast, its just so much fun." I wake up every morning with coffee already made, its delicious. The other night we went to this Mexican restaurant called mi tierra (I think) for a marg. haha It was an awesome, crazy family style restaurant. Very authentic, there was a crazy mariachi band and I think we might have been the only white people in there. It was awesome. Oh and they had different flavors of margs, had a Guava one... sooo good and the rim was covered in that chili pepper stuff. Very interesting....<br />
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Yesterday, I tried my navigation skills at the public transportation system! I took the L down town. I live right next to the Orange line which takes you directly into the heart of the city. Very convenient. As I went to put my CTA card into the machine, I couldn't figure out how to do it... total newb status.... Some worker man had to show me and then proceeded to tell me that I better run up the stairs because the train is just about to leave me..... I made it haha As I rode into the city i'm pretty sure my eyes were glued to my phone to make sure I didn't leave that little blue floating dot on my route to downtown, (best iPhone app I could have downloaded) I made it to Grant park! Then walked around aimlessly... such a great afternoon. <br />
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I'm not for sure what I am going to do today. Sister Donna and I came for breakfast and coffee at this cute little coffee shop called, Bridgeport Coffee House. I think it may be my home away from home (aka The Roasterie). I think I may head to the Northwest side (probably not really what I am supposed to call it) for a craft/art fair... oh la la <br />
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Tomorrow I shall be traveling to Dayton, OH for circle training! I am quite excited to see what this technique is all about. I filled out my Juvenile Hall papers, so in a week and a half I will be spending some time in Juvi Tues/Thurs chillin with some gangsters. Be jealous ;) <br />
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Through the past few days, though I'm sure I have made it all sound like glamour and amazingness, I have realized more than ever that I live hundreds of miles away from everything that I know. Especially <u>everyone</u> I know. I miss you friends and family. I'm pretty good at being independent I suppose, but I miss having someone to go on adventures with. Buuut i've only been here three and a half days, so I should stop complaining.<br />
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Off to some adventure, hopefully I don't get lost! Or maybe I should ..... hmm Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4326296433360635331.post-6014812659839963932011-09-06T16:30:00.000-05:002011-09-06T16:30:01.687-05:00The beginning....I can't really decide how I should start this whole blog thing. I'm still wondering how I ended up where I am. Never would I have thought I would be running off for a year to some city I know ..... ehh not a whole lot about to volunteer for a year. Here I am less than 24 hours before I hop in my little car filled with the things I "think," I will need for the next year (we'll see how that goes) to head to Chicago!<br />
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For starters I will warn you-- Do not judge me on my grammar, lets be honest it sucks. My high school English teachers thought so as well. So bare with me... I had a very hard time coming up with a title for this thing so I asked my nieces and nephew and they came up with:<br />
The Dora Maker (Eme) annnnd <br />
Fart Machine (Creason)<br />
I don't know how I passed up those names....<br />
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Ever since I can remember I have loved doing volunteer work. Some of my cousins may call me a "do-gooder." Some may say it was my parents who first started me out volunteering at anything and everything. Maybe it was friends, a youth minister.... who knows. Then I choose to do a year of service work. I cannot tell you exactly when I knew I wanted to do that either. What I do know is that I cannot wait to see how this year turns out.<br />
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For a year I will be working for Precious Blood Ministries. There are many different avenues or areas in where I could work and be involved with. So for me to tell you exactly what I am doing, I can't because I don't really know yet. I know that I will be working with kids and teens of all ages, those in or out of juvenile facilities. I will be helping with "Peace circles," (a technique of sorts that I will have to update later on, because I don't know exactly how to explain them yet) mentoring, after school programs, tutoring, ect. (and by ect. I mean... ehhh who knows what else.) <br />
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Some of you may know this, some not but I promised a little bit of a paragraph dedicated to my roommate. Most volunteer programs room you with a group of fellow volunteers as your "community living," situation. Well Precious Blood has a little bit of a difference. I will be living with a Nun, Sister Donna. After my orientation, I actually am very interested and intrigued by this new experience. I have met her once, she's awesome. She commented on my purse, so she's good in my book already! I talked to her earlier today and she sounds excited for me to move in and has a pretty intense social calender awaiting my arrival. (More on Sr. Donna in the near future.)<br />
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As I wrap this little post up for the day, I will continue enjoying my last beautiful day in good ol' Kearney, Mo sittin under a tree with a root beer float (courtesy of my nephew Creason). Pray I don't get lost on my way up there (even though it sounds like an easy route, lets be honest, I'm kind of a blond sometimes). I'll keep ya posted !!!Bonnie Kanehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06194071524248718051noreply@blogger.com0